You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I lost the right to judge tonight
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
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