you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
