I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
