It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
It's never too late to be topless.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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