Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Naked. naked and bneed help.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize