dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
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