First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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