We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
