If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
