Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
There are leaves in my underwear?
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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