Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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