I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Randomize
