Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
why do cheetos always look like penises
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
