Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
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