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• (402): View more from Nebraska

  So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.

  (1-402): View more from Nebraska

  Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.

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• (541): View more from Oregon

  I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night

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• (646): View more from New York

  My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...

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• (410): View more from Maryland

  He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.

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• (201): View more from New Jersey

  Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.

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• (574): View more from Indiana

  2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home

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• (307): View more from Wyoming

  I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.

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• (757): View more from Virginia

  You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.

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• (516): View more from New York

  She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.

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• (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas

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• (518): View more from New York

  Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?

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• (586): View more from Michigan

  I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.

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• (307): View more from Wyoming

  You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.

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• (801): View more from Utah

  Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.

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• (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!

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