Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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