The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
The struggles of a small town man whore
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I'm really busy with my period
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