Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
