I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
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