Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
