Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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