community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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