Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
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