then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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