Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
