Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
The best revenge is premature balding
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
