ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
