I think I died a long time ago.
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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