1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
