I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
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