also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
there is puke in my bra ... again
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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