bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Randomize
