Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
i need an iv and a liver transplant
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Randomize
