I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
