dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
