I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
