currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize
