Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize