turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
