Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
