I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
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