her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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