After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
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