Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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