I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
