I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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