You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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