If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I didn't notice because vodka
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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