Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
