So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
