If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
