his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
