i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Randomize
