ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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