Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
