why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
