lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Randomize
