Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
