i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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