The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
