the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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