plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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