I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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