Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Randomize
