a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
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