if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
