Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
