I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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