one might say we're banned from that church
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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