Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
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