WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
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