If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
