don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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