I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Randomize
