I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Randomize
