his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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