HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
