hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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