he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
